What's been going on?.....One in just so many things. I sometimes escape. Sometimes I run to it with wide arms and smiles. I love it, and it terrifies me. It breaks me into pieces. It blesses me in so many ways...every single day.
It is autism.
In the last ten days, we have had:
* Parent Night...being the parent of the classroom's "difficult child." The child who suddenly becomes overwhelmed, breaks down and cries or throws his papers on the floor in the middle of class. Who can't stop making noises. And all I want to do is help people understand him...knowing I am a good mom.
* Crying episodes in the car on the way home from school...an eight-year-old wondering why he just can't keep it all together, calling himself a dummy, and in five minutes completely oblivious to the meltdown.
* Making yellow, wooden safety signs for the front yarn to try to remind the sweet little person with no concept of cars or safety that...even though Mom is sitting at the end of the driveway...he has to learn to watch for cars on his bike.
* Angry and mean...thinking he is a grown up. Sometimes having to literally pick him up from the floor to talk to him.
* Five to fifteen minutes collapsing in misery every morning before school because he has to wear socks and sneakers to P.E...socks that have ridges in the toes and hurt his feet. And long-sleeved shirts that must fit directly at the wrist...not a half-an-inch too long or too short.
It has been busy. Long talks with the Special Ed case worker. Sitting in the parking lot with him sobbing and talking through the afternoon meltdowns with his school aide. Communication logs. After school meltdowns. IEP meetings to come.
Sorry if I've been a little out of sorts. It is all good...really it is! It is something I am used to...but I need to re-get-used-to time and time again. But I remind myself that this is not severe autism at all. Asperger's Syndrome is still not as difficult as it could be. He is loving. He's way smart. And he is so talkative. But the challenges are staring me down every day.
And I just looooove this kid so much. I just need to veg out sometimes. Get my head straight. Eat some cookies. Knit a bit.
And, of course, I had to write all weekend...literally. But I'm taking a few days to mellow. And knit.
I'll fill you in on some knitting this week. I'm excited about some progress...slow, but steady.
Hugs to everyone! Just want you to know that everything is good here...we're just keeping the train on the track...one day at a time.
Luv, Bel
