Monday, September 24, 2007

1 in 166

What's been going on?.....

One in just so many things. I sometimes escape. Sometimes I run to it with wide arms and smiles. I love it, and it terrifies me. It breaks me into pieces. It blesses me in so many ways...every single day.

It is autism.

In the last ten days, we have had:
* Parent Night...being the parent of the classroom's "difficult child." The child who suddenly becomes overwhelmed, breaks down and cries or throws his papers on the floor in the middle of class. Who can't stop making noises. And all I want to do is help people understand him...knowing I am a good mom.
* Crying episodes in the car on the way home from eight-year-old wondering why he just can't keep it all together, calling himself a dummy, and in five minutes completely oblivious to the meltdown.
* Making yellow, wooden safety signs for the front yarn to try to remind the sweet little person with no concept of cars or safety that...even though Mom is sitting at the end of the driveway...he has to learn to watch for cars on his bike.
* Angry and mean...thinking he is a grown up. Sometimes having to literally pick him up from the floor to talk to him.
* Five to fifteen minutes collapsing in misery every morning before school because he has to wear socks and sneakers to P.E...socks that have ridges in the toes and hurt his feet. And long-sleeved shirts that must fit directly at the wrist...not a half-an-inch too long or too short.

It has been busy. Long talks with the Special Ed case worker. Sitting in the parking lot with him sobbing and talking through the afternoon meltdowns with his school aide. Communication logs. After school meltdowns. IEP meetings to come.

Sorry if I've been a little out of sorts. It is all good...really it is! It is something I am used to...but I need to re-get-used-to time and time again. But I remind myself that this is not severe autism at all. Asperger's Syndrome is still not as difficult as it could be. He is loving. He's way smart. And he is so talkative. But the challenges are staring me down every day.

And I just looooove this kid so much. I just need to veg out sometimes. Get my head straight. Eat some cookies. Knit a bit.

And, of course, I had to write all weekend...literally. But I'm taking a few days to mellow. And knit.

I'll fill you in on some knitting this week. I'm excited about some progress...slow, but steady.

Hugs to everyone! Just want you to know that everything is good here...we're just keeping the train on the day at a time.

Luv, Bel

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

A Bit of Mindless Drooling

This has been a messed up week...not entirely this week itself...more like the last seven days. Dog days.

This is why my sister's sweet and rather gigantic dog, Kobe, is here today.

I hope you are all well. Seems like I haven't seen anyone in quite a while...except for Gina, who shares my love for clean cuticles (please don't say anymore!!) and Sandy (with whom I've been working on another dance sensation.)

Besides looking rather svelte in my disco gown...and MY, MY! Did I grow some bodacious Ta-Tas or WHAT???.....Here are the top ten bizarre things that happened this week:

1. I danced with Sandy on video...and did I mention that I grew some BODACIOUS TA-TAS??
2. Was the horrible victim of a malicious and rather nasty smearing by a woman who decided that I would be the sacrifice so she could get what she wanted...sorry, can't's a non-Mosaic work thing.
3. Chopped my hair. No, no photos yet. The cut is good...but I'm still not comfortable with it.
4. Thinking about going back to school. Am I nuts?
5. Want to get a tattoo. Hubby is working on #3.
6. My husband cleaned the oven yesterday...the world may be ending soon.
7. Starting the flame scarf with Gina this week...she's becoming a bad influence! Heehee!
8. Saving up for delicious yarn...three words: Classic Elite Posh
9. Decided I have way too much back fat.
10. Met the Mom and Grandmother of the young man who lived with Cho.

...Which made me realize how our lives are so intertwined and that we have such a strong impact on each other...or that we hardly know the people we believe we know. It made me think about the friends from long, long it was so easy to forget me in my hours of need...and now those friends are all strangers. It makes me firm in my determination to be a valued friend...and makes me value the friends I have now, the ones who joy with me, console me, wave a kiss in my direction when I'm feeling down (you know who you are!), and promise to visit me in the funny farm one day...

Love you, Bel the way....did you notice my new BODACIOUS TA-TAS in the Mosaic video??