Monday, September 24, 2007
One in just so many things. I sometimes escape. Sometimes I run to it with wide arms and smiles. I love it, and it terrifies me. It breaks me into pieces. It blesses me in so many ways...every single day.
It is autism.
In the last ten days, we have had:
* Parent Night...being the parent of the classroom's "difficult child." The child who suddenly becomes overwhelmed, breaks down and cries or throws his papers on the floor in the middle of class. Who can't stop making noises. And all I want to do is help people understand him...knowing I am a good mom.
* Crying episodes in the car on the way home from school...an eight-year-old wondering why he just can't keep it all together, calling himself a dummy, and in five minutes completely oblivious to the meltdown.
* Making yellow, wooden safety signs for the front yarn to try to remind the sweet little person with no concept of cars or safety that...even though Mom is sitting at the end of the driveway...he has to learn to watch for cars on his bike.
* Angry and mean...thinking he is a grown up. Sometimes having to literally pick him up from the floor to talk to him.
* Five to fifteen minutes collapsing in misery every morning before school because he has to wear socks and sneakers to P.E...socks that have ridges in the toes and hurt his feet. And long-sleeved shirts that must fit directly at the wrist...not a half-an-inch too long or too short.
It has been busy. Long talks with the Special Ed case worker. Sitting in the parking lot with him sobbing and talking through the afternoon meltdowns with his school aide. Communication logs. After school meltdowns. IEP meetings to come.
Sorry if I've been a little out of sorts. It is all good...really it is! It is something I am used to...but I need to re-get-used-to time and time again. But I remind myself that this is not severe autism at all. Asperger's Syndrome is still not as difficult as it could be. He is loving. He's way smart. And he is so talkative. But the challenges are staring me down every day.
And I just looooove this kid so much. I just need to veg out sometimes. Get my head straight. Eat some cookies. Knit a bit.
And, of course, I had to write all weekend...literally. But I'm taking a few days to mellow. And knit.
I'll fill you in on some knitting this week. I'm excited about some progress...slow, but steady.
Hugs to everyone! Just want you to know that everything is good here...we're just keeping the train on the track...one day at a time.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
This is why my sister's sweet and rather gigantic dog, Kobe, is here today.
I hope you are all well. Seems like I haven't seen anyone in quite a while...except for Gina, who shares my love for clean cuticles (please don't say anymore!!) and Sandy (with whom I've been working on another dance sensation.)
Besides looking rather svelte in my disco gown...and MY, MY! Did I grow some bodacious Ta-Tas or WHAT???.....Here are the top ten bizarre things that happened this week:
1. I danced with Sandy on video...and did I mention that I grew some BODACIOUS TA-TAS??
2. Was the horrible victim of a malicious and rather nasty smearing by a woman who decided that I would be the sacrifice so she could get what she wanted...sorry, can't elaborate...it's a non-Mosaic work thing.
3. Chopped my hair. No, no photos yet. The cut is good...but I'm still not comfortable with it.
4. Thinking about going back to school. Am I nuts?
5. Want to get a tattoo. Hubby is working on #3.
6. My husband cleaned the oven yesterday...the world may be ending soon.
7. Starting the flame scarf with Gina this week...she's becoming a bad influence! Heehee!
8. Saving up for delicious yarn...three words: Classic Elite Posh
9. Decided I have way too much back fat.
10. Met the Mom and Grandmother of the young man who lived with Cho.
...Which made me realize how our lives are so intertwined and that we have such a strong impact on each other...or that we hardly know the people we believe we know. It made me think about the friends from long, long ago...how it was so easy to forget me in my hours of need...and now those friends are all strangers. It makes me firm in my determination to be a valued friend...and makes me value the friends I have now, the ones who joy with me, console me, wave a kiss in my direction when I'm feeling down (you know who you are!), and promise to visit me in the funny farm one day...
Love you, Bel
PS....by the way....did you notice my new BODACIOUS TA-TAS in the Mosaic video??
Sunday, August 26, 2007
It is unruly. I agree there. I haven't had it cut in 4 months. To be honest, with the kids home for the summer and me working fewer hours, I spent the only extra $$ on yarn....what else!
Friday, August 17, 2007
Here is the looooovely Stevie Kate, my glamorous model. She actually sat through literally nine photos since my camera BITES!
Okay...back to the BI-POLAR issues.
ARRRRUGHHHHH!! It is so hard to find a house we can afford in B'burg. And then he gets all flakey on me. He's lucky he's cute...the stinker. So, I am bummed. We'll see what happens in the next few weeks.
I look forward to seeing your polar-preferences! Think positive thoughts that hubby will decide what he wants to do. He's afraid of change. Send us some good vibes...
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
In other news, I will also start reading...yes, I did actually say that! Gina is lending me a book written from the perspective of an autistic person. I'm compelled! We talked today about the strange, fascinating, and wonderfully magical things about having a child with Asperger's Syndrome. My little electrical engineer and Nasa-robot-builder-to-be just turned eight years old. Where have the years gone?
Anyway, I am a bit of a bore. Was it better when I was away? Don't answer that!!!
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Anyways, want some exciting news? We got the FIRST "YES" confirmation that one of my oldest child's friends will be coming to his birthday party. I am soooo glad! You see, having a child with Asperger's Syndrome (High-Functioning Autism...in case you were wondering), you tend to have a child with very few friends. Socially, emotionally, and sensory-wise, we have issues. BUT we can check one name off the list! HOORAY!!
He also picked out a new color for his room...yes, the baby blue heating vent will be painted white to match the trim. He's tickled...he picked it out himself...the color is "HAPPY CAMPER!"
Here is the "Separation Sweater" from the book "Knits for All Seasons." I've actually made the arm holes already, so this picture is a few days old.
And my Schaefer Lola sock is nearly finished. I still need to close in the tootsies.
Told you it would be a waste of time!
Friday, July 6, 2007
...a state of mind that pivots precariously on that fine line between self-absorbtion and responsibility.
In the land of faithful bloggers... yes, you may call me a Loser. Hands thrown in the air... I give in... you are right... 'tis I... a looooo-zah.... unrivaled in lamosity...
(that is the state of being lame, by the way...I just made it up)
So, for these, my shortcomings, which I know are far-reaching and pleantiful, I say...
But in yet another realm of consciousness, another frame of perception, I am... I am.
No, I have no philosophical insight, per se... no insighful treasure hidden in my shoe. But I have been... are you ready???????
Euphorically happy. Self-absorbed in "the satisfied." Smiling happy. Not to be mistaken for giddiness (or perkiness, as per Sheryl)... This is better. Oh, yes... I still have the insatiable need to please others before myself... for the most part, but I've rediscovered a Belinda left behind. Following a three day mellowing with Tiffany (love you, sister) in Charleston, South Carolina... no kids, no husbands, no pets, no schedule... I made some amazing discoveries...
Did you know that I can still sleep until 10am? I didn't know that!! Tiff thought I was dead... and I went to bed completely sober, trust me. Also, somewhere over the years I forgot how to breathe. I mean REALLY breathe, like deep breathing... like from your toes or somewhere. And I can really RELAX. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
I spend too much time freaking out... does this surprise anyone? (Don't laugh, Gina and Mimi!)
I mean, I am who I am, and I'm okay with that. I just think it is okay to be not okay...at least a little bit. Anyone with me on this?
Even knitting... I'm jumping right in. Decided in like two seconds to start a sweater (I should say another sweater besides my green Cathay, which is coming along... I need photos of this, don't I?) I love the "Separation Sweater" in the book "Knits for All Seasons." Frogged the Eco Wool poncho...we're doing the sweater.
I hope you're not mad at me for abandoning you. I've been thinking of you often, honestly, I have. I've just been wrapping my brain around the mellow side a bit, and I like how it tastes.
More experiments in nirvana and knitting to come... perhaps I should remove the "festering head case" intro for a while. Any suggestions?? Hee hee.
Peace, love, and flowers ~ Bel
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
non-husband getaway in nearly nine years.
Dinner at the Hyde Park in downtown Columbus. Loren, Gina, me, Mimi, and Debbie on Friday night.
Loren, me, Mimi, and Debbie
mi2 in awe.... weren't we all
International designer Maggie Jackson and me... awesome designer and super sweet person. So nice to see you again, Maggie! Come to Blacksburg again... I loved your Irish comedy!
The amazing... humbling experience... Debbie Bliss herself...
Mimi, International designer Louisa Harding, me, and Debbie
...shoes... let's get some shoes...
Monday, May 28, 2007
Debbie Bliss Cathay more delicious than Canoli? Definitely.
Schaefer Hand-Dyed Lola better than Ding Dongs? That would have to be a yes.
LET THE GLUTTONY BEGIN! That is, knitting my calories.
The worry has passed...now the accountability must begin. Time to get healthy and get real about this summer chubb. My husband forbid me to diet or exercise until we resolved the ticker situation. AHHHHH...food without guilt! Now that the heart issue is resolved, I need to refocus.
I've made a pledge...so if I waiver, feel free to slap me upside the head. Please don't restrain yourself. You have my blessing. Be my guest.
I, Belinda, the compulsive, over-eating spaz, being of long-awaited, sugar-anesthetized mind and body, do hereby pledge to live an excuse-free and healthy existence with a normal relationship with sugar. I vow this before I plunge into an irreversible diabetic coma or completely rot my teeth and become brain-damaged, to bid farewell, so-long, and adios muchachos to those oh-so-sweet past compulsions. This night I part with the Three Muskateers and the Almond Joys, the Double-Stuff Oreos and the homemade chocolate icing, the Bens and the Jerrys...even the Wavy Gravy. This I promise to be free of the gluttony and compulsive eating that leave me a babbling, over-indulgent, and powerless jellyfish doomed to jelly belly and butt.
Hello, moderation! I commit myself to helping my heart... for life.
How was that??
And now for something completely different...
What'cha think of all them squares? Pretty darn COOL!! I can't wait to see what comes in tomorrow!
And, Gina, here is the BAG!! My purse is pretty, but REALLY boring (sunglasses, wallet, and a few scattered cosmetics). NOTHING else.
So, this is my knitting bag. More interesting by far.
1. Schaefer Lola socks... ahhhh
2. Three inches of another Hokie Square
3. Phone/Address Book
5. Nail file...don't know why...I have no nails
6. A yellow wooden clothespin...I still haven't figured that one out
7. Ella Rae and my new SOCKS book! Love it!
8. Maytag recall information on the dishwasher I had fixed like a MONTH ago...
9. Hand sanitizer...tell me that this surprises anyone...
10. A teeny pair of scissors, and finally...
11. Hand cream: Kiss My Face Peaceful Patchouli (please don't say "eeewwwwwww!) and Planet Spa African Shea Butter (my sister gave me)
One final photo... this is my little sweetie scoring a goal at his final soccer game on Friday. He's the blondie in the blue shirt and the winning kick.
Hope you all have a great week back!
More to come before TNNA!!
Love ya, Bel
Thursday, May 24, 2007
First of all, and I sincerely mean this...
ThAnK YoU!! All you people who had such wonderful things to say, such warm wishes and words of encouragement. It made me all toasty-warm to feel the kindness of you all...
And forgive me for taking so long to write... it has been crazy.
So... now the news...
I am fine. Met with the cardiologist this week. He read the echo and the halter, and, although I do have a PVC condition (can't quite remember what this stands for again, but it isn't serious), it is benign. I do have to take Beta Blockers three times a day. Most people, evidently, have periods of this heart occurance for like fifteen, twenty minutes, and then it goes away for five, ten hours...
Mine can go for like two, three hours. Relax for an hour or two, and kick back in for a few more hours... so I need to have my "med"s handy and..
here is the funny part... I need to, and this is verbatim of Dr. Rivera, "very, VERY, seriously consider options to reduce anxiety." I am a walking "adreneline junkie." My body produces adreneline from stress and anxiety... so I need to chill out.
Okay, Mosaic people!! You are RIGHT! I am confirmed a serious and hopeless SPAZ!!!
But, and I must say it again, thank you all for the kind words.
Now for some FUN stuff. I received a hand-delivered bottle of wine and wonderful card from Mimi, who was sad for me freaking out a bit and made me so happy I cried...a lot. I spent some time Saturday in the yard with the kids... watching them draw with sidewalk chalk while I crashed on the ground and knit my Hokie squares, received a visit from Mimi on Saturday night, who hung out for a little chick hang-out. And, of course, NBC Channel 10 coming to the shop on Wednesday. Man, I really need to get my teeth whitened. Either that or give up coffee... yeah, whitening... that's it. And we've got TNNA coming up... and my best bud, Tiffany, and I have confirmed a three day weekend away in about four weeks to her parents' condo in Charleston, SC. Lots of good things coming up.
Hope you're all knitting away, and I know that most of this is relatively boring, but it is all good news. Even my fortune cookie recommended a "peaceful" way in order to have more power, right, Gina??
Next post... knitting. I am totally serious. Something fun. And knitting.
Thanks for putting up with me. Love, Bel
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Work has been great, first of all. Tuesday we got a sqaure from Greece! Very cool. I love work...it is a happy place.
However, it has been a bit weird on the other side of life.
Let me tell you about my FUN week.
Sunday: Crabby people in my house. More sick people. Kid#1 crabby, and I'm worried about a relapse of strep throat. Luckily, we are catching it all really early.
Monday: Sick kid #1. Carting people off to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Realtor's checking my house...all over my house. Annual physical. Doc says we do an echocardiogram and a heart monitor. Also thinks we might need to reduce some stress. WHAT STRESS?? ME?? Don't answer that....
Tuesday: The beginnings of sick kid #2. Kid #1 crabby with his rash...the unique rash that only kid #1 gets with infections and baffles the doctors. Need to find the energy to wash dishes, pots, pans...
Wednesday: Kid #2 home sick. Husband taking a personal day to help during my many, many examinations today. Therefore, kid #3 (husband), very crabby. Echo at 11am, surreal and a bit disturbing. I evidently have some "leakage" in one valve. Sounds like a plumbing problem. This can't be great news. But otherwise he said it looks pretty decent in there. Then, doctor appointment #2...gyn. Ugh. So, I'm wearing paper robes from neck to knee, making jokes, and she listens......"okay, I thought I had a heart rhythm there, and then it went "bullallullalump!"" I'm sure this isn't technical terminology. And my blood pressure was 140 over 90. Way, way high for me. Might have some fibroid issues, too. Well, tickle me surprised!! Husband is helping with dinner...did you all hear that?????? BLINK! Show me you're alive! Breathe again!! It is TRUE!!! The man who means well but can't heat up frozen corn...helping me with dinner. See... chivalry is not dead.
Knitting...it is coming along. I've been tired, I'm afraid. But all is well, and I hope I don't strangle in my five dangling wires. Or that my wild dogs don't get lost between electrodes and blankets and accidently zap us all! Just kidding.
More this weekend. Lots of love, Bel
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Let's try something different... I have a question to my few but dedicated readers. I want to know who you are and where your dreams take you. I am Sagitarius; we are often described as "dreamers" and "wanderers." I like things to change. I like adventures, although I don't seem to have many. As the boys get older and life gets easier, thanks to family close by and a special needs fellow doing very well indeed, I hope I can do some soul searching in these next few years.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Come on, keep me on my toes, will 'ya?! I'm lame! Need HELP!
Teasing!! Here are my two Hokie squares so far. This project has amazed me to no end. I called churches and schools, distributed posters...and I took calls from probably twelve different states within the first few days. Hi there!!...all you friends who spoke with me...you guys were so great: Fort Bragg, NC; Littleton, CO; Michigan; Utah; New Jersey; NYC; Philadelphia, PA; Richmond, VA; St. Cloud, MN; Pasadena, CA...these are all I can remember right now...major cyber hugs and big sloppy kisses...you're the cat's meow.
Actually...Stevie Kate sends the big sloppy kisses, by the way. Oh, Thank You!!!
Yes, I have neglected telling you all about vacation. Too much going on around here! I decided to update on the "Hokie Healing" progress two or three times each week (nag me, please!)...but at the end of each post, I'll share a few photos and some highlights from my vacation in Florida. This was our first vacation in five years!! Now you all know how pathetic I really am!!
Top five Florida highlights for Today...this group of photos and highlights is from two days in Key West:
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
So, yes, we had a great two week vacation in sunny Florida, visiting the in-laws, having a two day adventure in Key West...this is all to come, I assure you.
These last eight days have been ones of unpacking, laundry, and...of course....intense sorrow. Shephard Smith of Fox News said it all best... that this is such a beautiful and serene town, nestled in the mountains...a place you would want to send your kids to school...and he went on to say how it deeply saddened him for this community.
This is a heartbreaking time. What an unthinkable cloud of saddness that has touched our community. Unspeakable. I cry for people I don't know. I cry for friends touched personally by this tragedy. I can't make sense of it, and I feel so badly for everyone hurting and lost. Until now, I just couldn't bring myself to write about any of it. Walking around for a week, seeing people stricken with confusion and grief and anger. How this could happen in this beautiful, wonderful place. What can anyone say.
I kept saying, "what do I have to offer?" "What can I do to help?" Prayer...yes, everyday. Other than that?? Hmmmm...nada.
And then Gina had the fantastic idea for a nationwide project to bring blankets together for the families.
Now, I feel like I can offer something! If you want to learn more, check out our blog for Mosiac. I love, LOVE this community. This is the most wonderful town with the most wonderful people. I am so proud to be a part of this area and part of this project.
I know that I've been away for a while, but I will fill you all in on my travel and knitting adventures over these past few weeks. I was on campus a few days with the memorial events and took photos...these will be back and posted here tomorrow. By this weekend, I will be sharing some photos and events from our trip...trust me, some of them are worth the wait!
Here is a quick preview of my knitted beach bag. I finished it just before the trip...whew!
Anyway, it is great to be HOME...and what a wonderful home we have here. May God's healing touch you all and give you strength.
Hugs and kisses to you all... Bel
Saturday, March 31, 2007
How about something to chew on?? Here are some other bizarre facts about me:
2. I won't let anyone watch me brush my teeth.
3. Mimi taught me how to knit. Love you, Mi2!