Mental Zerplatzen

Forgive me, faithful blog readers. It has been a bad week. Nasty. I even started an easy, mindless knitting project just because I can't actually think about knitting right now. My brain hurts!! So, I grabbed random stash for a basic hat and decided to see what happens. Sorry, pretty Lizard Ridge, you'll have to wait a while...
Anyways, I've been working like a mad woman on all kinds of writing jobs...every night this week until eleven...midnight...and I have come to an eye-opening revelation. A "slap-upside-the-head" moment. Up until now, I've been spending my life writing for the betterment of others, which for a long, long time has been gratifying in of itself...but the problem is that I'm doing zero writing for me. Manuscript sitting all safe and sound, protected from rejection and vulnerability and scrutiny on a silver disk. A novel only 20% finished...virtually still in diapers.

So, I finally talked to my sissy...have I ever mentioned my little sister? She's beautiful and fair and blond and really smart and teeny...not at all like me! We used to really ham it up together. Well, she gave me the "goods" tonight, let me tell you! And that's what great about having a sister...they know when you're a sad, gutless turd and can coax you into believing in yourself.

Didn't know this was going to be like a Hallmark moment, did you??? Ewww, let's break out the International Coffee and celebrate the moments of our lives...I'm going to make myself sick...

Anyway...let's just say I've decided to back away (not entirely back out...just away) from all the freelance writing responsibility. I can help Gina at the shop since poor Loren is broken (feel better Loren! Knit, girl, knit!!), and suddenly I'm like...this is a sign...it is time for me to be happy, enjoy the family and the dogs (isn't Pepper Jack soooo cute?), do what I love, have courage, and tighten the belt. Hubby and I are discussing details this weekend to make it work. And you Mommies out there know how guilty you feel when you concentrate on yourself. Well, I'm going to love being at the shop, being "off-deadline" every night, knitting more than twice a
week (this past week...Saturday through today...I've only knit for a total of about two hours max...), being a fun and happy Mommy (who doesn't have to work nights for a while), and being true to my passion for as long as I can.

I feel that this is my contract to all of you...my testimony. I'm committed to really good things, and you can all hold me to the fire. My face is always smiling, but I feel like my heart is smiling now, too. (Jeez, that was sappy.) Back to the life of the simple poet and knitter...what more can one woman want?? ~ Sigh ~ Glee ~ Sigh again ~ AND I HAVE SWEATER YARN! That is, I've chosen the soft brown Eco Wool...all put aside and waiting for me to pay for it! Now, the pattern...and I'm still looking. Hugs to all....BYE!

By the way, "Zerplatzen" is German for "splattering." Rather festive, wouldn't you say??