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What's been going on?.....

One in just so many things. I sometimes escape. Sometimes I run to it with wide arms and smiles. I love it, and it terrifies me. It breaks me into pieces. It blesses me in so many ways...every single day.

It is autism.

In the last ten days, we have had:
* Parent Night...being the parent of the classroom's "difficult child." The child who suddenly becomes overwhelmed, breaks down and cries or throws his papers on the floor in the middle of class. Who can't stop making noises. And all I want to do is help people understand him...knowing I am a good mom.
* Crying episodes in the car on the way home from school...an eight-year-old wondering why he just can't keep it all together, calling himself a dummy, and in five minutes completely oblivious to the meltdown.
* Making yellow, wooden safety signs for the front yarn to try to remind the sweet little person with no concept of cars or safety that...even though Mom is sitting at the end of the driveway...he has to learn to watch for cars on his bike.
* Angry and mean...thinking he is a grown up. Sometimes having to literally pick him up from the floor to talk to him.
* Five to fifteen minutes collapsing in misery every morning before school because he has to wear socks and sneakers to P.E...socks that have ridges in the toes and hurt his feet. And long-sleeved shirts that must fit directly at the wrist...not a half-an-inch too long or too short.

It has been busy. Long talks with the Special Ed case worker. Sitting in the parking lot with him sobbing and talking through the afternoon meltdowns with his school aide. Communication logs. After school meltdowns. IEP meetings to come.

Sorry if I've been a little out of sorts. It is all good...really it is! It is something I am used to...but I need to re-get-used-to time and time again. But I remind myself that this is not severe autism at all. Asperger's Syndrome is still not as difficult as it could be. He is loving. He's way smart. And he is so talkative. But the challenges are staring me down every day.

And I just looooove this kid so much. I just need to veg out sometimes. Get my head straight. Eat some cookies. Knit a bit.

And, of course, I had to write all weekend...literally. But I'm taking a few days to mellow. And knit.

I'll fill you in on some knitting this week. I'm excited about some progress...slow, but steady.

Hugs to everyone! Just want you to know that everything is good here...we're just keeping the train on the track...one day at a time.

Luv, Bel

A Bit of Mindless Drooling

This has been a messed up week...not entirely this week itself...more like the last seven days. Dog days.

This is why my sister's sweet and rather gigantic dog, Kobe, is here today.

I hope you are all well. Seems like I haven't seen anyone in quite a while...except for Gina, who shares my love for clean cuticles (please don't say anymore!!) and Sandy (with whom I've been working on another dance sensation.)

Besides looking rather svelte in my disco gown...and MY, MY! Did I grow some bodacious Ta-Tas or WHAT???.....Here are the top ten bizarre things that happened this week:

1. I danced with Sandy on video...and did I mention that I grew some BODACIOUS TA-TAS??
2. Was the horrible victim of a malicious and rather nasty smearing by a woman who decided that I would be the sacrifice so she could get what she wanted...sorry, can't elaborate...it's a non-Mosaic work thing.
3. Chopped my hair. No, no photos yet. The cut is good...but I'm still not comfortable with it.
4. Thinking about going back to school. Am I nuts?
5. Want to get a tattoo. Hubby is working on #3.
6. My husband cleaned the oven yesterday...the world may be ending soon.
7. Starting the flame scarf with Gina this week...she's becoming a bad influence! Heehee!
8. Saving up for delicious yarn...three words: Classic Elite Posh
9. Decided I have way too much back fat.
10. Met the Mom and Grandmother of the young man who lived with Cho.

...Which made me realize how our lives are so intertwined and that we have such a strong impact on each other...or that we hardly know the people we believe we know. It made me think about the friends from long, long ago...how it was so easy to forget me in my hours of need...and now those friends are all strangers. It makes me firm in my determination to be a valued friend...and makes me value the friends I have now, the ones who joy with me, console me, wave a kiss in my direction when I'm feeling down (you know who you are!), and promise to visit me in the funny farm one day...

Love you, Bel

PS....by the way....did you notice my new BODACIOUS TA-TAS in the Mosaic video??

Hello, Goodbye...???...And, No, I Don't Typically Resemble Edward Scissorhands

Yes. I should have blogged earlier this weekend. But I had a writing order due on Saturday night, and it was a doozie.

Glad to hear everyone talking about hair. Gina (don't we look like sisters here??) and I talked about the "long" and "short" of it on Thursday at work. As it turns out, I have a

~~~HAIR APPOINTMENT~~~

tomorrow (Monday) at 1:00pm. So, here it is. I've been growing it for nearly 10 months. Now I need to make a decision........go short again...keep growing.... CHOP IT?? Or go LONG AS I CAN GROW IT...my hair...tangled in the trees...a hive for the bees...?? Sorry...flashing on the musical.

It is unruly. I agree there. I haven't had it cut in 4 months. To be honest, with the kids home for the summer and me working fewer hours, I spent the only extra $$ on yarn....what else!

I may not get any posts on this issue in time for the big event.....because in FIFTEEN HOURS I will either be.......

a.) a much tamer, less frizzy lion....or

b.) an ear-length cropped and somewhat spikey girl...with a lot more neck.

Hope I decide soon. It has been a 50/50 struggle all weekend!!!

Here is Pepper Jack...he looks as insecure as me! Can you tell he loves his toys?

Anyway...wish me luck. I've had short hair for over five years until this "growing" phase.

Love ya!!

~ Bel (off to the butcher!)

Feelin' BI-POLAR today

A bizarre week.

How, you ask?

Well, for one...we have TWO posts in one week. Miracles do happen.

And I completed my own project: the "One Week, One Night Out" Bag. Couldn't really think of a name. I saw a picture of a circular bag and liked it...I bet I can figure out one. Basically, I cast on 106. Decrease every third row with a S1, K1, PSSO...knit a few...then K2Tog. I just tapered it in, which gave it that hippie swirl. Then I cast on 12 stitches and made a huge "U," joined at the bottom, seamed up the sides...the rest is the handle. Finished a project in a week...very bizarre, indeed!

Here is the kicker...another BI-POLAR moment...I lined the bag. Yes, ME. The sewing-impaired. Shocked even myself. It was actually not very hard...tedious, yes...but not very hard.

Here is the looooovely Stevie Kate, my glamorous model. She actually sat through literally nine photos since my camera BITES!

Okay...back to the BI-POLAR issues.

So, we want to sell our house...move into town. Husband is all geared up...looking at houses...find a very, VERY nice house...work out the price...can we afford it?? Then, he says..."no, we should wait...maybe in the spring..."

Can I smack him? He's making ME bi-polar! Blame HIM!!

ARRRRUGHHHHH!! It is so hard to find a house we can afford in B'burg. And then he gets all flakey on me. He's lucky he's cute...the stinker. So, I am bummed. We'll see what happens in the next few weeks.

Since I'm feeling like a festering head case, might as well be annoying, too. SO, for everyone interested in the first annual BI-POLAR quiz...here it is!

1. Potatoes....mashed or french fried?

2. Socks.....double point or magic loop?

3. Cravings.....salty or sweet?

4. Knitting Style....picking or throwing?

5. John Mayer.....puppy dog or "Ooooh, Baby!"

6. Amphibians.....cute or "ewwwww!"

7. Breakfast Cereal.....hot or cold?

8. the Beatles.....love 'em or hate 'em?

9. Airplanes.....the way to travel or "heck no, I'll drive."

10. Sweet Tarts.....yummy or "why would they do something like that to perfectly good sugar?"

I look forward to seeing your polar-preferences! Think positive thoughts that hubby will decide what he wants to do. He's afraid of change. Send us some good vibes...

Love!! Bel

Why I Am So Lame

Where have I been? Good question. Unfortunately, I haven't a great answer.

Nevermind. We've been in the trees. Watching grass grow. I can say that we've had our "ho-hum" moments. The phone doesn't ring much in the summer, that's for sure! I haven't been out much, but this is a good thing sometimes. It has been just a vanilla summer. We just spend a lot of time...watching time go by. House hunting...home improvements...writing (after severe self-doubt...we'll see where this goes)...arts and crafts to keep the kids from destroying the house...you know...all those summer things.

I've been on a knitting frenzy...and, thanks to Gina, will be embarking on yet ANOTHER project in a mere two days. This one we'll be knitting together, as I LOVE what she just started. More to come...plus photos...

Speaking of photos, you know it took me thirty minutes to download THESE? My computer keeps freezing up. Wants to see the underside of a van, I suppose. Makes me crabby!

In other news, I will also start reading...yes, I did actually say that! Gina is lending me a book written from the perspective of an autistic person. I'm compelled! We talked today about the strange, fascinating, and wonderfully magical things about having a child with Asperger's Syndrome. My little electrical engineer and Nasa-robot-builder-to-be just turned eight years old. Where have the years gone?

Anyway, I am a bit of a bore. Was it better when I was away? Don't answer that!!!

Here is the one photo that sort-of worked. It's the Candle Flame Shawl pattern in Claudia Handpaints, color: "Hokies."

I did get the "wild hair" on Friday and started a free-form project. I will be finishing it tomorrow, I hope. Then I will have something exciting to say! I promise!

More this week...I'll try to be exciting for you.

Love, Bel

A Sincere Waste of Time, Trust Me....

Wotcha think of me now? No camera tricks here...this is the real puss.



Anyways, want some exciting news? We got the FIRST "YES" confirmation that one of my oldest child's friends will be coming to his birthday party. I am soooo glad! You see, having a child with Asperger's Syndrome (High-Functioning Autism...in case you were wondering), you tend to have a child with very few friends. Socially, emotionally, and sensory-wise, we have issues. BUT we can check one name off the list! HOORAY!!

He also picked out a new color for his room...yes, the baby blue heating vent will be painted white to match the trim. He's tickled...he picked it out himself...the color is "HAPPY CAMPER!"


Here is the "Separation Sweater" from the book "Knits for All Seasons." I've actually made the arm holes already, so this picture is a few days old.

And my Schaefer Lola sock is nearly finished. I still need to close in the tootsies.

This is a completely boring post.

Completely mind-numbing.

These are things I find really boring for the most part.

1. Television...unless we're talking about "Lost." DO NOT get me started on "Lost." Love, love, love....

2. Reading...shame shame! You don't say! Yes, I admit it. I like to read short things, like blogs, poetry, etc. And being a professional writer (besides a relatively decent knitter and rather EXCEPTIONAL yarn shop employee...heehee), I should read more. But again, I can squeeze in two major hobbies/passions. These three are reading, knitting, or writing. I choose knitting and writing...we must have these priorities straight.

3. Dishes. How many dishes can two dogs and four people use in one single day? It's revolting.

Things I find VERY interesting but disturbing:

1. Wal-Mart at 11pm on a Friday night. People talk to themselves. People eat things out of their carts. I've seen a boy eat half a dozen Slim Jims in line to check out.

2. The concept of skiing. Why do people, and I admire those who have the guts to this, decide it would be insanely fun to buckle strips of slippery wood to themselves and leap down giant, ice-covered mountains? It's cold. There are many trees. It's cold. I don't get this one.

3. Eyeballs. Now, I am no scientist. Maybe you can help me on this one, Allison...how exactly do eyeballs work? They are mezmerizing and horribly creepy. Thus, I wear glasses and NOT contacts!!

Didn't improve much, did it? Sorry for the lamosity (my word again!)...maybe I'll go back to making up more words.

Love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's was fun!!!!!!!!!!! Try exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Told you it would be a waste of time!

Did I say LOSER? Loser is merely a state of mind...

...a state of mind that pivots precariously on that fine line between self-absorbtion and responsibility.

In the land of faithful bloggers... yes, you may call me a Loser. Hands thrown in the air... I give in... you are right... 'tis I... a looooo-zah.... unrivaled in lamosity...

(that is the state of being lame, by the way...I just made it up)

So, for these, my shortcomings, which I know are far-reaching and pleantiful, I say...

sorry

But in yet another realm of consciousness, another frame of perception, I am... I am.

No, I have no philosophical insight, per se... no insighful treasure hidden in my shoe. But I have been... are you ready???????

Happy.

Euphorically happy. Self-absorbed in "the satisfied." Smiling happy. Not to be mistaken for giddiness (or perkiness, as per Sheryl)... This is better. Oh, yes... I still have the insatiable need to please others before myself... for the most part, but I've rediscovered a Belinda left behind. Following a three day mellowing with Tiffany (love you, sister) in Charleston, South Carolina... no kids, no husbands, no pets, no schedule... I made some amazing discoveries...

Did you know that I can still sleep until 10am? I didn't know that!! Tiff thought I was dead... and I went to bed completely sober, trust me. Also, somewhere over the years I forgot how to breathe. I mean REALLY breathe, like deep breathing... like from your toes or somewhere. And I can really RELAX. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.

I spend too much time freaking out... does this surprise anyone? (Don't laugh, Gina and Mimi!)
I mean, I am who I am, and I'm okay with that. I just think it is okay to be not okay...at least a little bit. Anyone with me on this?

Even knitting... I'm jumping right in. Decided in like two seconds to start a sweater (I should say another sweater besides my green Cathay, which is coming along... I need photos of this, don't I?) I love the "Separation Sweater" in the book "Knits for All Seasons." Frogged the Eco Wool poncho...we're doing the sweater.

I hope you're not mad at me for abandoning you. I've been thinking of you often, honestly, I have. I've just been wrapping my brain around the mellow side a bit, and I like how it tastes.

More experiments in nirvana and knitting to come... perhaps I should remove the "festering head case" intro for a while. Any suggestions?? Hee hee.

Peace, love, and flowers ~ Bel